Movie Reviews of 2005 #02 - elektra

Umm, err, {cough}, how do I say this......

The viewing of elektra, {note no caps}, was hindered by the cold weather, being inside we all had our coats on all the same. I started watching the show with my coat on my lap expecting to hide the possible things going on down there. After the opening, {that I think every frame of "the red outfit" in the promos came from}, I did not have to worry about any stirrings *down there*.

After a while of attempting to figure out who blew who to get this released, we finally got another action scene. Then the standard sappy crap love injection got stuffed in, {but still, no nekkidness, and not another scene with the red lace top}. It wasn't for another 30+ minutes that we were placated by some more action. {no red outfit, damn!}.

We all then were force-fed the several back-plot storylines. This explained all the "what the F%$#ng hell are they doing" questions we had in the last 60 min. But still did not explain why this movie was promoted as an action thriller, when it is something that doesn't even get a single pinky up from a comic book freak the ranks of Kevin Smith or Aflack in MallRats.

All the same, the last 20 min almost live up to the action adventure genre, and we get to see the red outfit again, be it tight pants replacing the short frayed miniskirt. And they should have stayed with the skirt for diverting eyes from how silly she looks from a reverse shot walking away from the camera. {sorry led, she walks like a duck, & the spandex did not compliment her ass}. WHICH BRINGS ME TO.... also be prepared to squint HARD if there is any chance of seeing any T&A. Be it the DP, the Director, really bad print, or some contractual obligation, whenever elektra is on screen in an almost revealing shot, the screen goes close to 4 stops darker. For those non-photo enabled people, that is the difference between watching a movie, and watching a movie with welding goggles on. Get the point?

I hate to say it but, the rating goes as this:
31/32's cup of soda, with no bathroom or smoke breaks
QUALIFIED BY:
I almost finished off 32 oz. of soda in 2 hours.
We watched this in the farthest theatre in the 'plex from the bathroom, but really close to an outside door.
After 25 min. I needed a smoke. It was -17 degrees outside, with another -15 to 20 for windchill, almost the same reason I did not pee.

I did not want to miss something happening, that, in the long run did not happen anyway.

Plain & simple, don't bother the weather to see this movie. Wait until it runs on Spike-TV.

Blessed Be, Dr. Strangelove