Saturday, December 24, 2005

Movie Reviews of 2005 #28 - Wolf Creek

We were supposed to watch this movie Thursday night as it was supposed to come in along with other films that are opening this weekend. Minor flaw with that plan was that Technicolor somehow only gave the delivery company 2/5's of the reels of the movie. For me I think it is hard to miss a giant blaze orange steel box that weighs over 50 lbs., but that's just me.

So we got the second half of the movie last night, got ourselves pumped up to see a good blood & gore, hack 'em up, scary horror movie.

And ended up watching some fucking college kids vacation movie. After waiting & wanting to see a good terror movie, we discovered the "terror" must have been a typo for the word "terrible". Yes, there is blood & gore & stuff. BUT IT IS OVER AN HOUR/TEN INTO THE MOVIE!!!!
Hell, it took almost 15min. to get to the damn opening titles. It got to the point of boredom for all of us that when the violence actually started we so lulled by boredom, the gore did not register a single bit. To quote one of the comments on IMDB "...so achingly dull and borderline pointless that when it comes time for McLean [the director] to rev up his engine and start the mayhem, interest in any of this has evaporated."

The movie got over, the lights came up, and we all could not figure out how this movie ever got made & released to such accolades by the critics.

This is another case of W.T.F. are these assholes in hollywood thinking? This is not "THE MOST TERRIFYING MOVIE OF THE YEAR". Hell, it is nothing more than a very cheap, {read the whole thing looks like a sophomore filmschool project}, Aussie knock-off of Texas Chainsaw meets Blair Witch.

This is one of the most disappointing pseudo-horror bullshit films that have come out. The only saving grace is that they did not have the silly assed shot of the alarm clock stopping at 3:02 AM to forewarn danger is at hand like all of the other "horror" movies in the last year. This movie would not even qualify as one of those crappy Showtime exclusive special features.
Do not bother going to see this in the theatre, avoid the temptation to rent or buy the DVD {which I predict will come out sometime in Feb.}, instead see a really scary movie like Brokeback Mountain.

Blessed Be, & Merry Yule!
Dr. S

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Movie Reviews of 2005 #27 - KING KONG aka Benny & the Jets

I would have done this earlier but, we did not get out until 4:15, I had to pick up my tools from tearing out & repairing both a toilet & a urinal, {the glamour of working in the theatre industry ya' know}, and my internet is being nauti.

King Kong is great! When the closing credits rolled it did not seem that we had been sitting & watching for over three hours. It is impressive from the start, and doesn't let you away from the what is happening until the end.

As many of you know this is a remake of a classic movie. For the rest of you that still may have water behind your ears, or do not realize that black & white movies were actually done that way not for "artistic reasons", but there was no other way to shoot the damn things, yes life was not in colour for a very, very, long time.
But all the same, with a new age, there is new vision.

And this vision for a remake of a classic movie is spot on. This is one of the extremely few remakes that holds up to the original, but makes it better justifying itself. And overall, one of two movies that I have seen in the last two years that lives up to the pre-release hype. NO, I am not getting soft & backing off on what I think in my reviews. Just stay away from Syriana, and see King Kong, hell, stay FAR away from Syriana, and watch paint dry for that matter. But I digress . . .
Following the story of King Kong, this movie is impressive with the flawless integration of modern technology to update the story, but still keep it in the 1930's New York setting. Many films drop all the money in FX & CGI in fantastical stuff that is the foreground as to keep your eyes on the screen. In the case of King Kong, there is a buttload of care taken to cover what is in the background, & then you have the impressive "blow you away" stuff on top of it.
There are very few things bad about this movie. And I know that it will be received very well by all that see it. And watching the trailers that we had before the movie, the first week of May will also be kick ass.

So go see it in the theatre, enjoy it in the theatre, and you will not regret it. Because once you see it on VHS or DVD,
you will wish you had seen it in a theatre.

Blessed Be, & enjoy the show

Dr. S.

OHH, I almost forgot. The reference to Benny & the Jets in the subject line:

Many popular movies have "code names" on the shipping packs. This is to prevent people from shagging off with a print, copying it, and making bootlegs. Or in some cases holding it for ransom. So the production companies send out the boxes with these oddball names on the cans.
DISCLAIMER: The code name for King Kong is not 'Benny & the Jets', I did not want to use the real one so not to be blamed for print thefts.

The actual code name is a totally "how the fu({ they come up with that?" thing that none of us can figure out the origin. But Benny & the Jets makes more sense.

May you all have a Merry Yule!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Movie Reviews of 2005 #26 - Syriana

Since we did not pay to see this movie we cannot ask for our money back.
BUT CAN WE GET TWO HOURS BACK FROM THE PEOPLE THAT MADE THIS PIECE OF SHIT!?!

Obviously there was a turkey left on the counter since Thanksgiving, because this one could feed a large extended family if it wasn't so rotten & smelly.
Many people "in the know" are singing praises & kudos about this film. I honestly think they all got paid off by the producers. Either that or someone laced the water supply with crack & LSD. IT IS BAD, REALLY BAD, REALLY BORING & BAD, and that is the best/kindest words uttered by anyone that came out of the screening this morning. Actually the kindest thing was "ZZZzzzz, uhmm, Oh it's over?" after we had to wake her up.

It is convoluted, confusing, disjointed, nothing what-so-ever tying the sub plots together until the last 10 minutes, AND DULLER THAN DIRT. Oh and did I mention that we all that it was bad? I thought George Clooney & Matt Damon had better taste in what shows to choose, but obviously not. Then again they may been on the crack & LSD water too.

The people responsible:
Produced by
Sarah Bradshaw .... associate producer
George Clooney .... executive producer
Ben Cosgrove .... executive producer
Jennifer Fox .... producer
Georgia Kacandes .... producer
Elizabeth Kirkscey .... associate producer
Shannon Lail .... associate producer
Michael Nozik .... producer
Jeff Skoll .... executive producer
Steven Soderbergh .... executive producer

These people should be taken out and bitch-slapped for misleading people into thinking that they are going to drop good money to see an action/political thriller. Matter of fact I know there are laws against deception of what you are selling & "bait & switch" scams.
Point blank, if you want to see this movie as an "action thriller". Save your money and just watch the commercial or trailer, because ALL of the action & thrills from the movie are there.

Syriana is the worst movie I have seen in a long time, {if not ever}, and everyone else at the screening felt the same. It was even more boring & crappy than Constant Gardener. At least that movie had great visual settings & locations. This movie on the otherhand was dull & drab looking at every location {and there were many}, that they shot at. Several of us noticed that someone must have gathered a shit-tonne of frequent flyer miles, maybe they can send those miles out to refund the two hours of my life lost to watching this & attempting to stay awake.

Do I even need to go into my rating scale on this one? I don't think so.

Blessed Be, & stay away from this flick
Dr. Strangelove

Thursday, December 08, 2005

The Day The Music Died, 25 years later



In July of 1980 I had the honor of going to the 1980 Democratic convention as a page for the South Dakota delegation. My father was there also as a delegate. It was fun for me as I had a higher security clearance than the delegates, and I also was doing live reports back to a radio station that I worked at {am1520}, here in Sioux Falls.

I got my 15 minutes of fame when I tied several strings to a balloon & sent it up to the upper deck to get Amy Carters autograph & all three networks zoomed in on the secret service grabbing the balloon as a "disturbance near the Carter family...". I found out later I had several agents behind me on the floor of Madison Square ready to take me down. As the agent above me grabbed the note & read it, he leaned over & gave me the "ok sign" {it actually was to the agents behind me that I was not a threat}. He then passed the note down to Amy, she signed it & threw it back down, and then kept the balloon. Dammit, it was my balloon & I wanted to keep it! After turning around & realizing the guys in suits with guns I thought better to
let it be.
Which, in in odd segue, gets me back to why I am writing this post about John Lennon & his death.

During our stay in NYC, there were many gatherings, most that I could not goto due to my age. But there was one for both the North & South Dakota Delegations that was held not only at the Dakota Apartments, but next door to John & Yoko Ono.

As our group got off of the subway & made it across the street to the building, we all were in awe of its beauty. As we got closer & went into the entryway to get admitted I turned to my dad & said "You know for someplace that has this much money, this would be a great place to get mugged or something", while pointing at the empty little doormans vestibule.

Little did I know.

Fast forward five months to Dec. 8th 1980. I was typing a paper on my dads computer in the basement & listening to the radio when I heard the news of John Lennon being shot. I was stunned. Then thirty minutes later they announced that he had died. And the place he was killed at was in the entryway of the Dakota Apartments, exactly where I stood in July telling my dad about how someone could get jumped there.

A cold shiver went through my whole body & I could not do anything but stare at the wall for I don't know how long. I finally got back to my senses, printed my report, talked to my parents for a while, & went to bed.
The next morning I went to the radio station to do the talkshow that we had before school & found the drapes pulled on the big window facing Main Ave. Normally this is wide open so that people can look in on the FM studio & wave at the dj's, give them crap, request songs, etc. I went in to the AM side & saw the morning DJ for the FM station just sobbing.

Ginger is one of, if not the biggest Beatles fan I have ever met & probably ever will. And she is not a someone of fragile persona & at times could make sailors & marines blush. But she sat in the other studio totally broken.

I found out from the others that several people kept calling in with dedications like "hit me with your best shot" and other gun toting kind of songs & artists, and Ginger finally lost it. As I was affected by the situation in a totally different & creepy way, I thought it better that I did not try to say anything to her. A half hour into our show we saw in the other studio Ginger leave & our Gen. Mgr. took over the rest of her shift.

Twenty five years later, and it does not seem that long ago, I still think about the whole thing, me standing in that exact spot, and to a point, knowing something bad would happen.

I just didn't think it would end an era of one of the most influential musical groups, and songwriting teams in the genesis of what was rock & roll.

<{[More from Wikipedia here]}>

John Winston Lennon
Oct. 9, 1940 - Dec. 8, 1980
Blessed Be John
And may you rest well
knowing that you have influenced many people,
and will for the rest of time.

Jon B

Movie Reviews of 2005 #25 - The Chronicles of Narnia

OK. I will start this off by stating that the self-righteous assholes out there that are raising a big stink about this movie, need to go & get a life that consists of more than playing RPG's on the internet in the parent's basement/attic, and finding hidden messages in the want ads.

THIS IS AN ALL OUT GREAT MOVIE! When the Disney opening logo came up & there was a dark screen I fell back in my seat thinking, "Oh crap, nine reels {2h:15m+} of smarmy touchy tripe from the rat-gods!". It is slow to get up & going & a very darkly imaged film at the start, and if you are not familiar with the story, or like me, have not read it in over thirty-two years, you will not know what the hell is going on. But as the film goes on, the exposition is not being stuffed down your throat and develops very nicely. And soon you find yourself in the story & following along with the characters as the story progresses.

ALSO, from the start you will notice the CGI & special effects are absolutely FREAKIN' FANTASTIC! {That is once you realize when it is being used}. The detailing is the best I have seen in a movie in years. And that includes the last star wars, Sin City, & other "super-hyper effect" movies. When a group walks through snow, they all left separate foot tracks, when the lion Aslan speaks to the others across a candle-lit table the flames move with his breath. Plain & simple, Harry Potter & the troll movies about hoarding rings can drop to the ground & kiss this movie's ass in production beauty & stunning effects.

When I left the theatre I knew I had seen a good movie. The more I have been thinking about it, I really like it. And it is something that the whole family will enjoy without any concern of offense, but less concern of going into a diabetic seizure from the standard Disney sugar coating that they normally force feed to us theatre goers as of the last few years.

Personally I think the movie is great, but I also think it could have been better if it had not been produced by the minions of Mike Eisner & co.

Go see this movie.

Blessed Be, Dr. Strangelove

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Not a bad price for an Xbox, but for the box. . . priceless

In the excitement of the 360 fever I thought this is a good lesson.

A fool and his money are soon parted

And people wonder why I don't deal with Ebay-diots.

merry new year
Dr. S.