HAPPY HALLOWEEN, MERRY SAMHAIN !

Click HERE to see what other fun things can be done with your gourd.

And click HERE to just entertain, or retard your brain for a while.

Blessed Be All, Dr. Strangelove

Movie Reviews of 2005 #23 - SAW II

"Oh Yes, There Will Be Blood " Is the tagline for this movie. And they did not lie.

Not long after the opening credits for the various agencies involved in the production, we were brutally sucked into the vortex of the perverse 'game' that was just starting.

Oh yes, there was blood. And the blood flowed freely & often throughout the run of this movie. The story starts with a man in a room just waking up wearing a springloaded iron masque of death, not knowing what the hell is going on. Now some people on other sites say that "most of the movie you do not know what to expect,/ what will happen next". I don't know about those guys, but to us it was pretty obvious this guy will not pass the test, thus get his head clamped in the clam-shell device with hundreds of steel spikes, causing massive amounts of blood to spray, and then fell limply to the floor dead.

Past this point I really cannot say more without partial spoilers, or partial nausea, for the readers out there. REALLY, it is a gore fest of the 3rd magnitude. If you or the person with you at the theatre fall under:

• Easily squeamish
• Cannot handle blood, needles, vomit, self mutilation
• have issues with the internal workings of the human body becoming external
• just plain get creeped out & woozy at the drop of a hat

This is not a movie for you, go see Prime instead. For the rest of us, this is a movie you have got to see. Just don't eat a big dinner of pasta before the movie, nor plan on eating pasta afterwards.

There were some flaws in continuity, and several "W.T.F?" moments of the characters doing something totally, retardedly, absolutely, stupid. {You will know what I'm talking about when you see the scenes}. But overall I liked the movie, it's about time the P.C. Hollywood dipshits signed off on a good old fashion bloodbath instead of the torrent of feelgood pablum that is being forced down our throats, in our ears, and through our eyes.

Final Note: If I see ANYONE I know take a kid to this movie.
.
.

Shame on you, you sick twisted fu({s!

Blessed Be, Dr. S.

White Sox WIN ! ! !

It is one thing to get into the world series, it is totally another to do such after over 80 years.

And even more so to win in a four game series close-out.

I am happy.

I just hope to live long enough to see the Cubs do the same. Being that I am originally from Hammond, IN, I am considered a "southsider". {It is a lot easier to say I am from So. Chicago than explain that I was born in what is considered "South Chicago" in the larger picture}. But despite mine & others angst about the total destruction of the original ball park, & then later on, having what was/is considered by those traditionalists of Chicago upbringing . . . .

IT IS COMISKEY PARK DAMMIT, AND ALWAYS WILL BE! Despite the latest trend to rename places of history, places of long known remembrances, and where many people saw the first baseball game of what they can remember, {or think they remember}, because of some contractual obligation to the sponsor that has the most money. It is still Comiskey field to myself & many others.

I am just really happy that they made it to the ALCS series, and then the World Series.

And then they win in in FOUR GAMES!!!!!!@!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once again, I am proud to be a Chicago-an. And now can say I am from the South Side without getting scowled at.

I still really think it would be cool to see the Sox & Cubs in the World Series.


But you would have to lock down the whole tri-state area, enforce marshal law, and basically close down the metro Chicago area if that were to ever happen.

Then again, Lake Michigan would probably turn warm by August if that ever happened, & Petey the peg-legged pirate penguin that prefers puffin porn will finally find the secret to the universal flange. [he was abandoned in Chicago while on a mission, and now is working for me. The whole abandonment issue got him to become one of the black & white side]. Much like the White Sox colors.

Blessed Be, Dr. S.

GOD IS WATCHING!

If you haved ever had questions about your religious beliefs

<{[ click here ]}>

Victoria Givens Shatters World Record

Well, she IS from the same part of the USA as Britney Spears . . . .
.
And has the exact same 'wholesome' image. ;-}>
.
<{[ click here for more of the story]}>

Revenge of the mall singers - DEBBIE GIBSON IS ALIVE!

I just found out that Debbie (aka Deborah) Gibson will be here to do two, YES COUNT THEM TWO!!! shows @ the Washington Pavilion Feb. 11th. Get your tickets soon! {giggle}

Washington Pavilion Event Calendar

Movie Reviews of 2005 #22 - A History of Violence

Any movie that has the word 'violence' in the title should be mandated to include violence. This one does, and quite graphically in the first few minutes.

But when you have to wait more than 20 minutes to see blood & gore from a movie that is advertised as a blood & gore, something is wrong.

At the screening, we had about eight people, within ten minutes it became an extended live version of 'Mystery Science Theatre 3000'. We all knew, or made side-bets of what would happen next, or yelled out our feelings about "what the fuck . . ."

It would not be so bad for the fact that the majority of the movie I could count anywhere from five to eighteen during the EXTREMELY, PAST DUE DATE, LET'S INDUCE FORCED, labored pauses.

There are many out there that think this movie is Oscar material. I think they should put the crack pipe down, stop huffing the kitty litter, and get a life.

This movie is bad, more than bad, it is just plain go strait to $4.99 DVD cut out bin bad. Basis of this opinion you ask?

When you have the whole group of the screening walk outside and in almost unison go, "what the hell, what the fuck, I want the last two hours of my life refunded, etc"

You know it is bad.

P.S. It took me from 2am Thurs. till now to try to find a civil & nice way to phrase this critique. So if you think I railed on it now, you should have heard what the original version was.

Blessed Be, Dr. S.

Movie Reviews of 2005 #21 - Serenity

I waited to make this post until I saw 'Firefly', the series that this movie is not only based on, but contains the cast of as well.

I admit that going into the theatre I was apprehensive about watching a movie so closely tied to a Sci-Fi series that had been bounced from network to network. I had never seen Firefly, and barely remembered what the show was about. But I was in for one hell of a surprise.

THIS FLICK IS DAMN GOOD!

Very often science fiction genre movies are dry of humour, devoid of decent storyline, and appeal to only those that worship the comicbook, cartoon, latenight series, or fantasy bored {spelled correctly in this case}, game. In other words 'outsiders' like myself are not only lost on the nuances, but not included on what the hell is going on.

Serenity however breaks that mold. After two of my cohorts in crime told me the back story, I thought "Oh fuck, not another piece of shit bought out by Hollywood & bastardized into mindless pulp again...".

In the first few minutes of the show I was sucked in, engrossed, and following along with what is going on. And also, by the way, I WAS ENTERTAINED! I did not have to see the series, I did not have to be some pasty 40 year old that argues the difference between "Next Generation" & "Battlestar Galactica", and why one is better than the other. {BTW. I favour DS-9. Why? Because the chicks look better ;-)}.

OK I know I will catch hell for that comment, but that is my opinion, this is my blog, if you disagree fine, counter comment away below. At least I will know someone reads my rantings.

That aside, this is a great film. Sci-Fi with a sense of humour, and a story that will pull in the people least likely to enjoy it, and really blow away the geeks that live in the parents basement.

GO SEE THIS MOVIE! You will not regret it.

Blessed Be, Dr. S.

And now, A PUBIC CERVIX, err, PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTwATCH &

Click Here to watch & learn about the birds & the bees {giggle}

Remembering the Brotherhood of Yo & Koosh

Almost everyone that reads this & other sites on the 'net have either worked at, or have dealt with someone working at a call center. It is not easy to spend from 8 to 12+ hours a day getting yelled at, assuming the brunt of others anger, try to fix what is wrong, & being personally accused of violating child labor laws. {the customer put his son on the phone to fix the computer @ 12:30am, not me. But I was referred to as a slave driver, etc.}..

So anyway, I was digging around to find some equipment that I needed for my current job and found an unmarked box. I dug it out & opened it and found some of the things that helped to keep me from gassing up the truck & hunting down the assholes I had to deal with on the phones when I was still 'part of the herd'.

Many people do not realize that when they call in to get something fixed, replaced, or need help turning on/using, the object that inevitably they fucked up. It is not smart to threaten the person on the other end of the line.

WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! BE AFRAID, BE VERY, VERY AFRAID . . . .

Aside from common sense, {sometimes not}, the biggest thing that keeps us from tracking you down, ruining your credit report, {you do have a time-share in New Guinea now}, and possibly putting you on the data base as a sexual threat to small Llammas & Lemurs,

Is that we have toys.

I found my Yo-yo's, Klicks, velcro darts, my sticky lizzards, & other sundry things that kept me from hitting the "TELE-TAZER" button to retaliate against the current moron that could not understand that:

• You have to have an active phone line in order to use your modem
• The police will not show up because you have "an illegal error" on your screen
• If the power is off/disconnected, your computer will not turn on
• It is not our responsibility to reset your screensaver back from the slideshow of gay-porn you downloaded from a buddy before your wife & kids see it {poor little kittens}
• When it says "hit any key", the 'anykey' is NOT the blank key in the middle of the arrows. It MEANS "any key on the damn keyboard" just grab the back of your neck & slam your forehead on the keyboard. Trust me, that will take care of the error EVERY TIME!

So we have our toys to satisfy & redirect anger, boredom, & utter perplex of stupidness, in order to serve you better. {and stay out of federal prison}

Just an hint though. Don't try to do an "around the world" with a yo-yo that has a 4.5 year old string without proper safety gear & removing breakables from the area prior.

I can't wait until I find my juggling torches again.

Blessed Be, Dr. S.

LET'S GIT READY TO GAAHHBBLLLE !!! Pt. 1

I thought I should toss off something before having to go & deal with the some of the most concentrated inbread dipshits I have ever had {dis}pleasure to work with.

Yes,Kids! IT'S TURKEY DAYS!

Those of you that have followed some of my exploits know how I feel about this event after working it last year. Those who don't, <{CLICK BACK}> to read my opinion about a whole day set aside to turkeys, chained lawnchairs, and the dumbasses that actually do this annually.

Time to go & pack. hopefully I will not get stormed out by rain.

Dr. S.

Movie Reviews of 2005 #20 - Cry Wolf

I was so disappointed with this movie I posted to IMDB before posting my review here. IMDB has the short & clean version since as I wrote, I realized I needed to tone things down for it to get accepted.

As employees of a theatre, we have to screen the movies in a "dry run" to make sure it was physically assembled properly. In the case of Cry Wolf, the middle four reels could have easily been left in the can & no one would have complained. This movie reminded us all of seeing this movie years ago, but we could not put our fingers on which one it was.

Then is occurred to us that it was not one particular movie, it was bits & pieces of many of the "teen trauma cheesy flicks" from years past, all thrown in to a blender to make a bad vegan breakfast smoothie that would kill off noxious weeds if dumped out.

Imagine a formula movie with:

• some Heathers & Scream with
• a small dash of Indecent Behaviour & Halloween
  
• Puree for 10 seconds.
  
• Add a few pinches of American Psycho
• a handful of crushed lame-ass plot lines
• & a taste of Urban Legends
  
• And continue to mix to a texture of bad.

With the end of the movie you sit & think of all of the plot twists, and background stories, and you wonder what was the point of the last 58 minutes.

This movie is one of many non-impressive, supposed to be something that it is not, should have gone straight to video, movies that have been forced on us in the last year.

All because "Hollywood" has lost its creative originality.

And because of the "reality" trends that have blindsided the industry, like the weather here in S.D., don't expect it to change before it gets more shitty.

It really pisses me off that crap like Alone in the Dark, Hide & Seek, The Ring Two, & The Constant Gardener get green lit for production & release and they end up being SO BAD!

And all of them were promoted as movie genres that they were not. And we cannot just blame the people producing this crap, we the moviegoers need to take blame as well. Nobody has raised a finger about the shit they have been serving us, we just sit back in our couch & swill beer & popcorn with the trusty remote by our side.

STOP THE APATHY & TELL THEM WE WANT MORE THAN TO BE PLACATED!

WE WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED!

Grrrrrrrrrrr!

Blessed Be, Dr. S.

Kory & the Fu(< flys better watch out!

I found this 'One Man Band' named McRorie & thought this guy is nuts! Then I realized I have worked with worse groups in my life.

And since it is a one man show, the crew & promoter have only one ego to deal with. That, & if you watch the videos. This takes some talent.

Not a lot, but a hell more that Kory Van Sickley will ever hope to have.

<{CHECK THIS OUT CLICKING HERE}>

And some of his original music is <{not that bad}>

Rock On, & Keep your earplugs handy:

Dr. S.

Movie Reviews of 2005 #18/19 - A Sound of thunder/Transporter 2

Dues to a technical problem, {that, and we all wanted to see Transporter 2}, we watched 2 movies last night. Both a hella better than 'gardner.

A Sound of Thunder was an interesting movie. Basically we are in 2055 era Chicago, and there has been a discovery of how to go back in time. {sidenote: the Cubs win the series in 2022, I can't wait}, A greedy businessman owns this technology & uses it for sheer profit by holding hunting trips for rich guys to go back in time to hunt dinosaurs. In one trip something happens & sets off a time rift that threatens to ruin civilization & the world as we know it. Blah, blah, blah, they save the world.
Good sci-fi movie & storyline, meets really badspecial effects. This movie has several really good scenes that were overshadowed by effects that could be outdone by a 3-toed sloth on gateway colorbook. Overall it wasn't a bad movie though.

Transporter 2 is a good followup / sequel. Once again, you got cars, guns, chases, well done fights, an interesting series of plot developments, with a dash of humour.
I liked it, I liked it a lot. Although some of the action/stunt scenes are physically impossible in the real world, the suspension of disbelief and your involvement in the story are enough to counter & balance out your enjoyment of the movie.
I recommend this show very much.

I would write more but, after spending about four hours watching movies, & over four hours fixing, rewireing & installing an LED door sign that came back broken from the repair shop, I'm a bit tired.

TTFN, and don't step off the path.

Dr. S.

Movie Reviews of 2005 #17.5 - The Constant Gardener

Bad news guys, The Aristocrats has been pulled from the release for tomorrow. We don't know why, and we don't know when it will get put back on the list. But I will let you all know. As for the review I have of a movie that premiered Weds. night {the last showing had all of 4 people in the audience of one of our 2nd largest capacity screens}

Umm, yeah, The Constant Gardener, {cough}, yeah, Well-ll-ll

How about The constipated Gardener?
The only thing that is more boring & long-winded than this movie is its movie poster that consists of 87% text. The movie was plugged as one of the most anticipated films of the year. Maybe by those with insomnia or other sleep disorders. Action-suspense-thriller? NOT EVEN CLOSE! If you have seen any of the commercials or trailers, you have seen ALL OF THE ACTION, SUSPENSE, AND THRILLS in this shitbomb. Out of five of us, three fell asleep, two for more than 10min. multiple times. We all took multiple breaks to pee or grab a smoke, I myself pee'd 3 times, had 2 cigarettes, and refilled my 32 oz. soda twice. Referring to my original rating scale, it was that bad. Matter of fact it is so bad it does not deserve a spanking, and definitely not the oral-sex, because on its own, it blows !

And as for the R rating, they may have said the "f-word" several times. Other than that, this movie barely deserves PG. They only "sexy bits" were some pregnancy distorted nipples, in VERY soft focus, and an ass shot of her getting out of the shower. Hell, there were more male nipple shots in focus than anything. Makes me wonder if the MMPA has gone rainbow on us all.

One other thing is that this movie runs over two & a quarter hours. It could easily be recut to fit into a one hour timeslot on the WE network. Which there is money riding right now on when that will happen. I don't want to spoil it but, none of us guessed later than new years.

So enough of the rant. Here is the story line:

• Brit. diplomat plays in his garden in Kenya while his wife goes & "saves the world" from plague, aids, TB, and other nasty things
  
• Said wife is murdered & her friend is implicated while they are researching evil doings by the great drug industries of the world that experiment on unwilling people
• find out from the friends associate that the friend "doctor" is gay & would not have had an affair with the wife.
• diplomat gets pissed & takes on where the dead wife left off
• he gets chased {barely} and runs {as only a brit lamely can do}
• after finding what his wife was looking for as proof, the nauti drug company & government officials get slapped on the wrist & the diplomat gets executed.

In short form: couple moves to Kenya, she dies, a friend dies, blame it on evil corporations, mix in a SHIT-TONNE of footage of hopeless, homeless, & hungry women & kids here & there, the guys dies, his buddy exposes all of the bad guys in the government & "the system" Then Sally Struthers comes out wearing a g-string asking for money.

OK, I know the Sally Struthers thing was a bit too much.

They showed her doing a donkey show in Tijuana under the closing credits.

That's how bad this movie was.

Blessed Be. Dr. S

PS/disclaimer: The whole Struthers thing is false. The ASPCA & the Humane Society would have shut the filming down if that were to have happened to that poor donkey.....

The Birthplace of Punk might be closed

If you have not heard yet, the lease on CBGB's expired at midnight. This really disappoints me, and as well many, many music fans around the world. Click the subject line, to find out more. And click the banner to find out how to help save CBGB's.

Blessed Be & pass the earplugs!
Dr. S.

Kamikaze Fruits

If an onion cuts you,


Does it cry?

My New girlfriend likes it raw!

You gotta see her! Like she's this artist and stuff. She really brings home the bacon too.

Wow!

Click her name below to see :

Gabriela Rivera

;-)

Movie Reviews of 2005 #17 - The Brothers Grimm

I almost did not do a review of this movie because I know that no matter what I say for comments, there will be someone that is adamantly opposed.

For them, I say Tough Shit! If you feel that way then get off your fattened red ass & say something, get a blog & don't be a pussy about it & set it to 'no comments', with a screen name of "anono######", get some balls & make your voice heard! It might lead to other endeavors that will get you out doing things other than downloading porn in your mothers basement.

That said, I thought Grimm was a halfway decent flick. Within seconds you know it is a Terry Gilliam flick. Just in the look & feel of the images on screen, and the settings, sound, & everything, it could not be anyone else. And this continues throughout to the end of the movie.

This is a really, and I mean REALLY odd two hours packed & woven of every fairy tale you have ever head of, and probably many that have slipped the mind over the generations. We were wondering if people will play drinking games when the DVD comes out like "guess the tale" where the 1st one to guess makes someone else drink, if you are wrong, you have 2 drinks, if no one knows, that would be one of the team drinks.

As you might have guessed, or heard already, THIS IS NOT A MOVIE FOR CHILDREN! There are scenes in here that made us all wince. And if you like small animals & white fluffy kittens, you might want to consider going to Devils Rejects instead. Older teens may be able to handle things, but the young'ins will get very freaked out and you can kiss a quick bedtime goodbye for a long time.

There were quite a few things I liked about it, but almost as much that left me hanging. Overall the pace was semi-frantic, but there were times that I would have gone to go grab a smoke & a soda if I wasn't doing the QA on the dryrun, it bogged that bad. As much as there was really funny stuff, it was later countered by things that were either "WTF?" or "EEAWWWUH!". I think that is one of the odd charms of some of Gilliams movies {ie The Fisher King, Brazil, etc.}.

So, all in all, umm, {cough}, the best I can recommend is, if you go to see the Brothers Grimm, you will love it, or you will hate it, or you will just sit there in a catatonic state of wonderment.

Blessed Be, Dr. S.

Where were the large areolas last night?

I just got back from looking all around the northern skies for large areolas.

Several news shows, both national & local said if you went out north of town, past the bright lights & light pollution, you would see large flashing areolas. This is attributed to sun spots that occurred 2 days ago, and this morning there would be the biggest areola flashing seen in North America in years.

I didn't even see a wet tee-shirt, not even a half nipple, {with exception to Led, but that doesn't count, he was playing with icecubes}.

I was expecting to see all the different colors of areolas flashing red, pink, brown, fuchia, etc. and didn't see diddy. Actually I did see 'diddy' last night, he was still bitching about how pee was getting between him & his fans. If you ask me, he needs to get a sponsorship from Depends if that is the case.

Ohh, umm, I stand corrected. It was auroras that were going to flash.

That would have been nice to see too.

Never Mind . . .

Breasted Be:
Dr. Emily Litella